Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
