Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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