I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
