thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
