I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Shame - the story of my life.
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