i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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