once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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