Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
