I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
