I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
