Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
