I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
