do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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