i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
