So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
