Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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