Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
