I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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