Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
