Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
