just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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