I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
