I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
