it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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