If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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