cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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