she was so not down for the gang bang
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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