So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
