Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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