At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
