It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
