Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
