Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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