I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
