A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
