CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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