redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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