That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
