from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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