she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
