When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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