Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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