I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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