I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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