So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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