I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
