I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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