I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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