The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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