he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
