So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
