ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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