Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
