i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
