Taylor Swift is so right about you.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
