he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
