how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
