Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
