physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
