I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
