What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
