your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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