and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
