the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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