I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
