is your mom at the bar?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
