he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
