I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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