carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
