D3 body, D1 cock
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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