Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
