wanna go halves on a baby?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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