if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
