I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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