My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
