Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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