Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
