WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
